The Woman begrudgingly walked into the kitchen, bitter she was not still enjoying the comforts of her warm bed. She happened upon Neighbor Nate in the kitchen, who had apparently begun to prepare breakfast. She loved her husband. She loved his beard, his obsession with his blue fuzzy bathrobe, his hatred for early mornings, his complete dependence on hot caffeinated beverages.
“Hi honey.” She said, voice still cracking from the first words of the morning being spoken.
“Hi!” His response was oddly chipper. It was worrisome. The strangeness of the chipper atmosphere at such an early hour was quite unsettling to the Woman.
In one hand, he held a giant chef’s knife. Yes, giant. One that he had likely “borrowed” from his brother, a professional meat cutter. In his other hand, he held a melon.
Suddenly, without warning, holding the melon in one hand and the knife in the other, he raised the melon above his head and posed, with a facial expression combining sheepishness, smugness, and a hint of a feral childhood. He froze like this, for just a moment, when suddenly he opened his mouth.
He then calmly returned the melon to the counter. “Do you want some melon?” he asked, perfectly composed.
The woman stared, confused, and slightly scared, unsure of what she had just witnessed. She blinked a few times, still staring. Was she still sleeping? Hallucinating? Please let this be a hallucination. Were his intentions with the knife just for the melon, or was this going to be one of the scenarios you read about, but never expect to happen to you?
“Did you just Lion King that melon?” she asked, slightly afraid to walk the rest of the way into the kitchen.
“What are you talking about?” He seemed bewildered. He acted as if the bizarre scene he had created had either not happened, or it was completely normal and socially acceptable behavior. Nothing about what she had seen could possibly be considered normal, or socially acceptable.
“You just held that melon up like Rafiki held Simba, in the Lion King. You know, in the scene where they all sing that aaaaaaaaashabimbuaaaaaaa alaviiiiiiiiiiiiiiskiamoooo song.” The Woman gave a fairly embarrassing impression of the scene to which she was referring, but it conveyed the message.
“Don’t be absurd. Rafiki used two hands when he held Simba. I only used one hand. I was obviously NOT imitating the lion king.” His tone conveyed that he was highly offended at the suggestion. Why, no one knows. What exactly the purpose behind his strange behavior was shall forever remain a mystery.
Neighbor Nate proceeded to slice up the melon, and went on with his day as if nothing had happened.